My Shout out….

Finally I got the time to blog about Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince and a novel that Ive read, L.U.V.E…. let start..

Harry Potter…. I love the book and the movie… not bad… hehehe… when I read the book, I cried when Dumbledore died… but at the movie… I didnt.. maybe when I read the imagination was much stronger then the movie… hahaha… but there is one scene that made me cry… damn… I dont know why… I jumped off my chair when someone grabs harry potter’s hand eventhough I know ianya akan mengejutkan… hahaha…. watak Lavender reminds me off Lola… a girl in Brittania High… maybe because of the hair?.. or maybe because of the gedikness…hahaha…. gedik2 yang lutfi suka… patut lah… memang gedik gila… “where’s my won won…”… hahaha…. anyway… I like Harry potter the movie… but still… I like reading better….

L.U.V.E…. a novel that ive been looking for since kat brunei takde yg jual… or i couldnt find it anywhere… its a good thing Nasrul went to Kota Kinabalu and he bought me the novel…. About the novel… one of the best and unique book Ive read…. believe it or not, when i read the book, it was as if telling my story… I am more likely to be Uthman and Elina….. a bit of Violet and Lana….. I guess… all the 4 characters are ME!!.. when i read this book… I said to my self.. hey… I would do this… then at some part… ive been in this situation… then one letter from Elina to Uth was almost the same to the letter that I gave someone… I was so surprised…. At some point, i feel like im reading my own diary…. then Violet.. I have a bit of her character…. daring, boyish and yet sweet…. I can see myself with violet character… then Lana…. keeping queit when her friend like the person she like… been through this situation before… until the end of the novel… I was really seeing myself… how can I be in all four character…. I never read a book that resemble my life… the only differences are the job and how it end cause I havent got any ending….. at certain part of the book.. I cried… I really cried because that is how i feel… That letter from Elina is exactly how i feel…. and my heads keep on telling me.. “Zeah… this is YOU!!… now you can see for yourself!!!…… After reading it… It does make me think… think back on what im suppose to do… but will I have the courage?… Will my ending be like Elina?…. or even Violet?…. or Lana?… Im not sure… but I must keep my eyes open and my mind free…. How I wish I could ask the writer where did this idea of writing this story came from…. But I just unable to ask… hahaha…. undecisive… sekejap nak.. sekajap tak nak… entah lah….

Well thats about the book and Potter… what else eh… oh today during ECA, pupils were asked to bring some indoor games such as monopoly, scrabble and stuff… then one of my pupils bawa UNO… dorang ajak aku main… so aku main lah… dengan budak2 kan… so adrenaline taklah pumping sangat…hehehe… tapikan.. sepanjang bermain aku mula naik syok dan semangat… bila aku menang je.. aku terus pekik “Yes… I win!!!…. Aku Juara!!…” while standing and my hand in the air….. then my pupils were staring at me… hahaha… they were surprised and believe me… I was surprised with my action too!!… hahahaha…then I said to them… when we win, kita mesti tunjuk semangat…. hahaha… then while watching them play UNO… when one of them win… he followed my step.. yelled “Yes.. I win!!… You Lose..” and he jumped. I was laughing…. murid aku dah nak terikut dengan perangai aku… bila semua menang dan yang sorang kalah… yg kalah cakap… Teacher.. play one more game!!… I laugh… dia mengingatkan aku pada kenangan kat Durham… so we played one more time and murid aku tu pun menang dan dia pun ikut pekik… Aku Juara…. hahahaha.. I was laughing out loud… Arni, Lutfi.. kalau korang tengok gelagat murid aku… mesti korang pun tak sangka… murid aku ikut jejak aku… takut pulak aku… hahahahahaha……

So thats about it…. today memang hari yang amat mengembirakan, menyenangkan dan fun…. aku dapat main UNO…. hehe… pastu tengok murid aku main cludo dgn peraturan drg yg entah apa2 entah… tapi they had fun… hehehe….. aku lagilah suka……. so itu sajalah dulu… nanti2 lagi aku blog k…

Salam sayang dan rindu pada semua di Durham…. and Brunei…

Zeah..

Soundtrack of my life…..

Teruskanlah - Agnes

Pernahkah kau bicara tapi tak didengar
Tak dianggap sama sekali
Pernahkah kau tak salah tapi disalahkan
Tak diberi kesempatan

Chorus:
Kuhidup dengan siapa ku tak tahu kau siapa
Kau kekasih ku tapi orang lain bagiku
Kau dengan dirimu saja kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskanlah teruskanlah kau begitu

Kau tak butuh diriku aku patung bagimu
Cinta bukan kebutuhanmu

Chorus

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskanlah teruskanlah
Kau kau begitu
Teruskanlah

woah… its been a while not blogging… buzy? not that buzy… malas?.. yeah… satu penyakit yg tiada ubatnya…. anyway… whats been happening? banyak… too many that maybe just maybe I wont be able to write everything down….

Bila hati ditimpa kesedihan dan kesakitan, people would say… “Bawa bersabar” and yes I did just that… until at certain point…its seems too much. Kesabaran seseorang ada hadnya dan mungkin tahap kesabaranku telah sampai kekemuncaknya… aku kah yang perlu dipersalahkan?…. senyum dibibir, tangisan dihati… dugaan demi dugaan ditempuhi dengan senyuman tapi hati yang terluka belum juga terubati…. nobody knows the feeling… nobody understands what im feeling… i have no one to talk to… no one to share it with and it seems that i am so lonely but not alone…. I have lots of friend but will they be willing to listen to my stories?.. would they understand?…. Its so surprising to know some of my friend knows what im going through… yes im laughing… im smiling as if the world is fair… but certain people can see through my eyes…. Arni can… Nurul can and Lutfi can… i was surprise when lutfi knows something is wrong with me evebthough Im smiling and laughing… still remember how he ask me whats wrong in Tesco… aku terkejut beruk like ehh macam mana dia tau?.. hahaha…. and Arni?.. she knows everything… dia tengok aku je dah tau aku ni ok or not… Nurul… she knows tapi takut nak tanya… hehehe…. i do admit I have some extraordinary and amazing friends… how I miss them so much…. gambar2 yang ada jadi pengubat rindu… hahaha… the videos and all… it was just a precious memories….

wah sudah walking on memory lane… back to what im suppose to write… At this moment, half of my life is hanging… half of my heart is on the verge of breaking into pieces and a part of me just gone with the wind…. what actually happenned? I dont even know…. I notice the change in you but I kept on saying that everything is going to be just fine (denial mood)… I dont know why I let myself to be hurt like this, i just dont know why im doing this…. Can someone tell me why? Or can someone just slap me on the face so that I can wake up and smell the coffee….. I kept on reminding myself that this will change… but when?… im not getting any younger… haha…. well… all I can do now is just pray…. pray for the best… if this is the best… then this IS the best…

Then… someother things been bugging me for the past few months… crying? yeah… stressful?.. yeah… pressured?.. yes…. heart breaking?.. definitely… every single day… my heart is being stabbed with thorns or ’sembilu’… every single day my eyes will be filled with tears and every single day i have no one to share what is the things that making me this way….  I want to tell it to somebody… i need to let it out… I need someone who is willing to lend their ears to me… I just need someone to talk to…. talking in private…. because i cant talk in public cause once talking… I know i cannot hold back my tears….  just wish… just wish… well wishing never gets you anywhere….. ohh my… sudah melalut aku ini… hahahaha.. sesiapa yg membacanya dan terpening.. sorry ehh…

Anyway as usual… soundtrack of my life….

Ziana Zain (Asmin Mudin)

( bridge )
Kecewa, terkilan aku
Berpisah jua…oh…oh…
Berpisah jua

and another one……Cry -Rihanna

I’m not the type to get my heart broken
I’m not the type to get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don’t get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn’t mean a thing

My mind is gone, i’m spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i’ll drown
I’m losing grip, what’s happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i’m, in this condition
And i’ve, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it’s hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it’s no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i’m sad to see us apart
I didn’t give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone, i’m spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i’ll drown
I’m losing grip, what’s happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i’m, in this condition
And i’ve, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

How did I get here with you, i’ll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I’m broken hearted, I can’t let you know
And I won’t let it show
You won’t see me cry

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i’m, in this condition
And i’ve, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i’m, in this condition
And i’ve, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

All my life…

and another one…………..Growing pain -BH

Stop breaking your heart
You’re making it hard on you
Don’t drive in reverse
You ‘ ve been through the worst
Put’ll behind you

It’s only growing pains don’t you know
This is a song for you